Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Modern Love - David Bowie

Right so maybe this title isn’t anything to do with this entry just the song I was listening to when starting to right it, not even a song that I like too much but I never knew it was a Bowie song, think this will be a theme for all blog entries to come, takes away the difficult and awkward procedure of naming the blog.

Right now it is 11am and I am still in Beijing. The weather here is sunny and starting to get hotter here, time for lots sun tan lotion for help get through the summer.
So how quickly can feelings change for someone and how can I keep going when I don’t get much in return.
It occurred to me the other day that I have let abby break my heart twice now and I have came back for more each time, although I still feel that we have a distance between us that even time won’t be able to heal. I still can’t truly find a way to trust her again and how I ever be happy with these thoughts running through my head?

She may have made her decision to stay with me, now it is time for me to decide if I can carry on with this relationship and if that every elusive future still can be achieved. Today is another indication of the issues which we have in the relationship, I could deal with what she said at the top of the hill, I feel that was due to the conditions but what she said in the restaurant was just unforgivable and simply malicious.
So what else do I have to achieve to be able to satisfy her demands and when will my demands be meet or even acknowledged, I feel it is time to distance myself, I don’t feel the same and I’m not getting much in return for my efforts, even any recognition for the things that I have done or is this just me being scared of committing to something and am I trying to walk away because something seems too difficult now like I have done so many times before?

Dude what a strange day I have had again, this whole situation with Abby and the other guy has turned weird now, a couple of days ago we began to chat through MSN, at first I have been sceptical and to a certain extent I still am careful about what I can say. But the situation is now that he is giving me advice and guidance, even helping me to make this relationship work. How odd is this? Basically I have been finding it difficult to trust her again and to be prepared to love her, now I have found strength to do that from someone I know through very unwelcome circumstances.
I know that I can’t give her a great life in China, compared to the level of work which I can do in England and how much I can achieve in my home country, but I can also bring more to the relationship then just that and she has not totally shut the door on living in the UK now. I guess in a weird way the song did have some meaning in this blog after all.

Enough of that for now, Dugal can’t be serious for too long, pull my finger!
Right time for the pic of the day, hope it uploads this time LOL
you lucky readers are getting two photo's one from me one from her, i'll test you on which one belongs to me at the end of the lesson :)

Iamthebadgermonkey, check out my photobucket account for more pics updated sometimes

Stay Classy

1 comment:

Liz said...

Ask yourself:

If it happened to a friend/family member, what would you advise them?

I could and have written an entire essay in reply, but I know it will be useless as you will make your own mind up no matter what. It’s very easy to say what you would do in hindsight, but the reality may be very different. If someone broke my heart twice, I would not be there any longer.

It is not running away.

Stay, get some life skills, move on and be a better person for it. Who knows where it will lead you.